Lifestyle / December 02, 2020

Importance Of Confrontation

How do you feel about confrontation?

Does it get you all sweaty and shaky?

Can you hear your heartbeat increase and your breath cant catch up? 

Your heartbeat gets SO LOUD, it literally interferes and blocks your speech completely.

Now…whoever you’re trying to confront, all they hear is fear, and now they’re confused. 

If your nodding along and screaming inside “Omgosh. Yes!! That’s me!” 

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. 

When we feel the need to confront someone about something, we’re trying to head to the truth! None of us knows the WHOLE TRUTH. That is why we need healthy confrontation to take place to embrace healthy feedback from those around us.

First of all, be proud of yourself for willing to take that step of courage to confront people in your life.

Once or twice. Here and there.

As you continue to train yourself, healthy confrontations are actually quite helpful and builds deeper intimacy within a relationship.

The problem becomes bigger when we avoid confrontation. That is, whether we avoid confronting others or vice versa. In a way, we’re creating an illusion of a fast & healthy way to get rid of our pain and shame. However, deep down, that avoidance symbolizes a signal of a root problem behind this issue being brought to you. We need to continue to create chances for healthy confrontations in take place in our lives!

Helpful tips:
  1. Take time to organize your thoughts. Make a clear goal and outcome you desire to see.
  2. Find a safe friend to rehearse what you’re planning to say.
  3. During the conversation- listen, but be in control of your part of the conversation. Refocus conversation back to your request instead of being stuck in an endless cycle of blame.
  4. Make sure you’re not carrying responsibility that’s not yours to carry. Transfer their responsibilities back to them.

Personally, I find the 4th tip the hardest. Sometimes the nervousness, pressure and stress we carrying comes, because we’re trying to carry responsibility of feedback, which belongs to the receiver. In the book “Who’s pushing your buttons?”, Dr. John Townsend suggested when voicing out what you would like, try something like:

I want you to tell me how to tell you the truth, in a way that you can feel OK about hearing it.” 

This transfers the responsibility of receiving feedback back the receiver. It’s important to recognize what you’re responsible of in a confrontational conversation.

May you continue this journey of embracing healthy confrontations in your life!